When your spouse deploys, communicating with them on a regular basis isn’t going to be easy. You can’t always talk every day, and never in person. Your day to day as a couple has been turned on its head. How do you get through this? How do you stay connected through a deployment?
Connect how you can
Letters and emails can be a good way to connect and might be the only thing you can do during certain periods of a deployment. You can truly express yourself this way, sometimes better than in person. You might have something you want to tell your spouse but you can’t, and writing to them is a way to help you with that disappointment.
Remember, this is just a job
Remember that they are away from you because of their job, not because they don’t want to be with you. Sometimes during a deployment you can start to think that they want to be away from you. The truth is, they can love what they do, they can love being deployed, but still, miss you and your children. Remember that they have to be away because of the mission, and not because they are trying to get away from their family.
Do something together
One way to stay connected through a deployment is to watch the same television show or read the same book. This will give you something to do together, even though you are on different sides of the world. In some situations, you could be chatting online while you are both watching the particular show or movie. Doing things together will help you stay connected even if you are not doing them in the traditional way.
Know what your spouse can handle
Often the common advice is not to share anything stressful that is going on at home with your service member. I think better advice would be to know your spouse. How do they normally react to stressful situations? How much do they want to know about what is going on back home?
The truth is some service members can handle more than others. Sometimes cutting them off from the trials of life back at home causes extra disconnect. Being aware of the day to day back at home is one way for couples to stay connected through a deployment. Make sure to talk about expectations before they leave so that you two can be on the same page once they leave.
Remember your love
In the midst of the deployment, you might hit a point when you are not sure where your marriage is going. Maybe you haven’t been able to connect with your spouse in any way for a period of time. Maybe you just feel that distance a little too much.
Whatever it is, remember that the two of you are in this together. Remember where you came from, and how you got together. Remember everything you have already gone through. Remember your love.
Seek extra help
If you feel like your marriage is in trouble, or even just want someone to talk with, don’t be afraid to seek help. Going to see a counselor or an MFLC can be a good idea. You can clear your head, and figure out ways to get through your current struggle. Even if your service member can’t attend with you, seeing someone can be beneficial to your marriage during a deployment.
Working on your marriage across the miles can be quite overwhelming, but there are things you can do to stay connected through a deployment. Remember, your deployment is temporary and will not last forever.
