For many tackling a deployment, holding down the fort is the easy part. The toughest is making connections and creating friendships that provide support through that time.
With a lifestyle that caters to goodbyes, the fear of getting to know people is valid and normal. However, creating friendships is necessary.
We need friendships to survive the chaos. We need a crying shoulder, a listening ear, a support system that will not fail. We need playdates, nights out, coffee dates, meal train preppers, emergency contacts. But most of all we need to find the right people to trust with all of it. What we need is a tribe.
But how do we know who to give that red rose to? (Cue “The Bachelor themed music.”)
Take the initiative
Start by taking the initiative. Take the first step, make an effort and put yourself out there.
But don’t set yourself up for failure. If you don’t want to put your best foot forward, then re-think your decision. This will not work unless you are fully committed to making it happen.
Where to look?
If you are stationed on a big installation this might give you more options. Spouse clubs, volunteer groups, workout classes and different groups on base that cater to specific interests could be a place to start.
Sign up for a class at the gym, volunteer for an event with organizations like Blue Star Families, join the enlisted or officer spouse club, workout with Stroller Warriors and take on the miles.
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If you are stationed somewhere a bit more secluded, or at a smaller base with less people, it can be tough to find as many on-base groups. However, there will be plenty of outside events and social meet ups to join.
There’s an app for that
Check out apps like Peanut, where you can find people around your age and set preferences to what you are looking for in a friend, or look for people going through the same stages of life –such as pregnancy or parenting.
Meetup is another great app that allows you to join different groups and find local events. This is a great way to meet people outside the military.
Cementing a friendship
Now that you’ve met wonderful people, do you think they are worthy of true friendship in which you support each other equally? If the answer is yes, hold on to them and embrace them as they are.
No one is perfect, but the fact that you both are willing to share the days ahead, through happiness and sadness, is what real life is about. There are no fairy-tale friendships. Friends are supposed to challenge you, support you, keep it real, love you flaws and all and – most of all – care for you and your family like they care for their own.
A tribe worth having is more than just someone to have coffee with from time to time. It is made up of trust and respect, open communication. It’s a critical aspect of our well-being and requires effort.
As you create these long-lasting relationships that will be there through the deployment days; the dropped-calls, the last-minute care packages, the sick days, birthday plans, holiday blues, raising babies, and of course the homecoming jitters, my hope is that you are grateful for it all – even the friendships that were not meant to be.
This lifestyle is about growth. It is about the silver linings. But most of all it is about every single person we meet along our journey.
