Introverts usually associate social activities with feeling drained, not energized. But there’s enough research to support the positive link between community and mental health.
According to the National Institute of Health, “Those with a negative sense of community had significantly higher odds of depression, anxiety and stress symptoms compared to those with a positive sense of community.”
Frequent moves often contribute to a lack of community. While there’s no rule book for post-PCS socialization, there are ways for introverted military spouses to jump into a new military community.
Recognize the inevitable discomfort
“Get comfortable being uncomfortable. Sorry, there is no secret sauce. You have to do the hard things,” Air Force spouse Erin Mulenbeck said.
A recent PCS marks Mulenbeck’s sixth base in 10 years. She knows the inevitable discomfort of finding community as an introvert, and shared some tough love.
“No one is going to hand you a community. You have to be willing to find it. Sometimes you have to build it.”
Find like-minded people
After being stationed at Fort Benning, Ga.; Schofield Barracks, Hawaii; Fort Bragg, N.C.; Camp Bull Simons, Fla.; Hohenfels, Germany; and the U.S. Embassy in Argentina, Army wife Megan Price is well-versed in finding community.
Whether it’s a book club or the PTO, finding people with similar interests creates a shared purpose.
“If you do things that interest you, you will more than likely find like-minded people,” Price said.
“Try things you enjoy in the presence of other people. But you have to be OK with stepping away from things if they no longer feel aligned,” Mulenbeck said, pointing out introverts’ need for self-awareness.
Focus on what you enjoy, not what you’re missing
It’s easy to dwell on things not working, so you may need to reshape your thinking to focus on what is.
“I think people struggle because they are looking for what they’re missing, not what they could enjoy in their new place,” Price said.
“It’s overwhelming at first, even for extroverts. Find the everyday glimmers that make you happy, like a walk in the park or a sweet treat from a local bakery,” Price encouraged.
Meet your neighbors
Whether you live on base or off, a good first step is meeting your neighbors.
“My general rule is to know the names of the people on either side of me and across the street,” Mulenbeck shared.
In Germany, Price connected with a neighborhood group. She shared that a fellow parent encouraged her to join the PTA, which allowed her to use her creative skills to design shirts.
“It helped me branch out more and meet more of the community,” Price said.
Maintain boundaries
Finding community while monitoring your social battery is a delicate balance.
“I block out time between things to recharge if it’s a busy week. I make sure people know I’m not a morning person and try to protect my mornings aside from the occasional coffee meet-up,” Price said.
Boundaries are essential for everyone, but especially for introverts.
“Decide whether something is adding to or subtracting from your life. Volunteering, particularly with your local military community, can be rewarding. But it can quickly become overwhelming,” Mulenbeck shared.
Mulenbeck said setting and enforcing boundaries for her came with time, maturity and therapy.
Prepare for awkward conversations
As for inevitable small talk, Price joked to “fake it till you make it.”
“But really, have a few subjects that interest you. People ask me about previous stations, which leads to travel. For this, I’ll talk your ear off if you want me to!”
Mulenbeck shared a similar tip.
“Ask about them! People love to talk about themselves. A safe question is, ‘What’s your favorite place/thing here?’ Bonus, you may find your new favorite restaurant or park!”
