When her husband received new orders in 2019, Melanie Krepps found herself facing a choice she never expected to make after decades of military life: move the family — together — or live in two different places — apart.
The decision was not driven by deployment or an unaccompanied assignment. Their two daughters were thriving in high school, and their son attended a private school serving students with special needs. Pulling him from a program that was working well and moving the girls during high school did not feel like the right choice for their family.
“I never imagined having to consider living apart, but we needed to do what was best for all of us,” Krepps said.
So while her husband relocated three hours away for his new assignment, the rest of the family stayed behind. Before long, Krepps found herself doing something she now laughs about: she bought new clothes so her husband would not always see her wearing the same outfits when he came home for the weekend.
Living apart gives little things like that so much more meaning.
Military families often call the arrangement “geo-baching,” a term used when service members and their families live in different locations. The spouses interviewed by Military Families Magazine said their reasons for geo-baching range from children’s education and medical needs to family support networks.
Living apart, together
The arrangement worked for the Krepps family because distance made weekend reunions possible. Every Friday, her husband drove home, but the rest of the week looked very different. Homework, appointments, household responsibilities and the daily logistics of raising three children fell solely to one parent.
“I always wanted to make sure my husband came home to a clean house and happy teenagers,” she said.
Her husband adjusted too, trying not to disrupt the routines the family had established during the week when he was gone.
“It almost felt like reintegration after deployment,” she said. “Except it was happening every single week.”
The decision to stay behind
Another military spouse arrived at a similar decision for different reasons. For most of her marriage, Kellie Montague believed families should stay together regardless of assignment. Then her husband’s orders placed the family in a desert climate that worsened her health. At the same time, their oldest daughter was preparing to enter high school and was deeply invested in her school community, band program, and friendships.
The family decided that Montague and the children would move ahead to what they hoped would become their permanent home while her husband completed his final year before retirement.
“We choose our knot,” Montague said.
Remaining together would have meant her health was affected, moving her daughter during high school, and remaining far from extended family support. But living apart created a different set of worries. Montague described spending sleepless nights weighing both options before deciding which consequences her family could best manage.
No easy answers
During the COVID-19 pandemic, travel restrictions prevented the Krepps family from reuniting on weekends for months. Video calls replaced family dinners. One of their wedding anniversaries was spent watching Disney’s live-action “Lady and the Tramp” together from separate locations while sharing their pasta takeout from Olive Garden.
When the travel restrictions finally eased, her husband returned home in time to see their daughter graduate from high school. The diploma mattered, and so did everything that came before it. For families who choose geographic separation, it’s not volunteering for time apart. It is preserving something they believe would be harder to replace once it’s gone.
