I never imagined that I’d be in a delivery room having a baby without my husband holding my hand. I never imagined I’d be in the thick of postpartum life without him or that he wouldn’t be there when I bring home our third — and final — tiny addition.
In our 11 years as a military family, I’ve been extremely lucky. My husband has always been able to be there. He was in the rooms for our other two babies, and he helped me get through the ups and downs of being a first-time parent, the crazy transition from one to two kids, and he was there to help me navigate postpartum anxiety and depression.
Call me naive because as crazy as it sounds, as a military spouse, I honestly didn’t expect I’d ever be in this situation. Yet, here I am, in the trenches of postpartum life as a solo parent with a newborn, a 2-year-old, and a 5-year-old, and I am missing my other half immensely.
I’ve certainly done the solo parenting gig before (I dare you to find me a military spouse who hasn’t). We have been through countless TDYs and a few deployments but bringing life into the world and caring for that life solo, while also going from two to three tiny humans, has been quite the adventure. It’s ALL uncharted territory.
Now, it’s not lost on me that solo parenting is a common scenario for many military spouses everywhere at some point or another, whether it’s for a week, month or year. It’s one most of us don’t think much about because we have to do it. Our family is getting through this, somewhat challenging, solo stint just like any other because we have no choice. I don’t think I’ve ever experienced this level of exhaustion or stress before. It’s chaos all the time; it’s emotional and mental instability and a lot of tears from everyone involved. It’s surviving and getting through one day, sometimes one hour, at a time.
This isn’t anything I can’t handle but if it weren’t for the village I have, I’m not sure how these past few months would have unfolded. I am incredibly lucky and grateful to have my parents and family downstate who have made countless trips back and forth to help. However, to be clear, though I have help, the mental and emotional load of being a parent, the actual task of parenting is mine alone. It’s a mixing pot of handling and holding space for the big emotions of my kids who don’t quite understand what’s happening and just miss their daddy. It’s dealing with medical issues and appointments for a newborn, bad dreams, any illnesses that make their rounds, and so on and so forth. It’s also working with generational differences in parenting, as my own parents get a front-row seat to our circus, and therefore, practicing patience, lots and LOTS of patience.
All joking aside, I honestly cannot imagine doing any of this without some semblance of support, and I can only imagine what my mental state would look like otherwise. Solo parenting may not be for the faint of heart, but it sure is a regular and chaotic situation for military families everywhere.
