After nearly a decade in the mental health field counseling children ages 5-18 in a clinical setting, Coast Guard spouse Nicole Hosler weighed in on the question: “How do I talk to my military kids about current events?”
When it comes to world events affecting military children, parents often navigate these conversations with uncertainty, questioning how to put their child at ease.
“Military life runs on change,” Hosler said. “The mistake many parents make is trying to make everything feel ‘normal,’ when in reality, it’s not. … Embracing change means orienting our kids to understand that it can be challenging and uncomfortable.”
Talking to military kids about current events isn’t about making them feel that everything is OK. It’s about preparing them as best we can, then being a safe place to land “in the emotional aftershock.”
Maintain consistency in an inconsistent world
Routines and rituals are often a life raft for military families. Finding age-appropriate ways to create predictability in an unpredictable time is imperative.
“Family rituals are powerful safety nets for emotionally resilient kids. They give children something steady to hold on to, even when the world around them keeps shifting,” Hosler said.
Hosler advised setting clear expectations and using concrete language. Maintain simple, predictable routines even during shift changes, deployment extensions or sudden time away from a parent.
“Commit to setting rituals (a morning handshake before school, Friday pizza night, bedtime prayers or reading the same book together before lights out) that serve as safety nets or emotional checkpoints for kids experiencing change,” Hosler said.
“The ideal family routine isn’t the reality for most military families. That’s why simple, small family rituals and habits at home serve as an anchor amidst change. What matters most to kids isn’t perfectly scripted family time, it’s being seen and heard,” said Hosler.
Keep it safe
Younger children often struggle with vague concepts like time, so Hosler said information should be as straightforward as possible while maintaining OPSEC.
“OPSEC is a real concern, especially in the age of social media. Parents should be careful not to share specific dates, times or locations that could compromise security,” Hosler cautioned. “Children still need enough information to understand what is happening around them. The balance often comes down to giving honest, but simple explanations without unnecessary operational details.”
Buffering the noise
When asked how parents should talk to their military kids about what they may hear from others, Hosler said that it’s actually less about what’s happening outside the home and more about what’s going on inside.
“If we are parenting well, our homes are safe places for our children to ask questions, seek understanding and think critically about the world around them.”
Since children’s brains develop until about 25, Hosler shared that childhood is like “training wheels” for brain development. She said this doesn’t mean parents should make every decision for their child or tell them what to think, but rather encourage discernment.
Parents should be a steady place to land when the world gets confusing.
“Until [their brains fully develop], parents are charged with the arduous task of helping their prefrontal cortex (responsible for social cognition, empathy, impulse control, and decision-making) make sense of the mixed messages kids hear online, at school, among friends or from people outside the military community,” Hosler said.
Children are presented with many opinions and perspectives, and parents should ask questions like, “Do you think this source is trustworthy? Why or why not?”
“That’s not a bad thing,” Hosler said. “But the framework used to sort through those perspectives, their values, beliefs and understanding of truth, should be shaped first at home, not by the outside world.”
